E afinal, minha querida leitora e meu caro leitor, qual seria seu ‘eu’ mais íntimo e verdadeiro?
Leandro Karnal, O Estado de S.Paulo
Quando você nasceu, havia um nome e um sobrenome esperando-o. O que eram? Uma decisão aleatória que fala muito dos desejos e projeções dos pais sobre cada um de nós. Nosso nome nos antecede e não aguardou nenhum traço de personalidade para ser colocado. Por mais fraco que seja, o menino Gabriel recebe o indicativo de que é “o homem forte de Deus” pela raiz hebraica. Por mais limitada que seja no futuro, a menina assinará Sofia, o nome que aponta sua densa sabedoria. Nem toda Letícia é feliz. Conheci um Adamastor que pouca similitude guardava com o gigante de Camões. Eu sou Leandro, homem-leão, como se nota pela juba vistosa. O nome é, como todo signo, arbitrário. Primeira camada sobre nós.
A segunda camada constará nos documentos: brasileiro nato. O que é ser brasileiro? Fronteiras traçadas ao longo da história com linhas imaginárias, respeitando ou não o terreno que as recebe. Uma entidade nacional que, supostamente, será sua pátria, sua identidade, sua marca quase sempre permanente. “Meu coração é brasileiro” eu já o declarei; todavia, um exame do meu cadáver pouco revelará ao anatomista quaisquer distinções dos meus ventrículos em relação a um vizinho argentino ou a um longínquo japonês. As metáforas são bonitas, poéticas até: meu coração é apátrida, biologicamente. Pátria é uma convenção celebrada diariamente, já foi dito. Sem dúvida, é a segunda camada que nos foi dada, quase sempre, ao ver a luz do mundo.
Recebi uma religião no berço. Fui batizado católico, apostólico, romano. Segui a lista de sacramentos e recebi minha primeira comunhão, confessei-me e fui crismado. Candidatei-me a um quarto sacramento, a ordem, mas não segui o impulso até o fim. Como católico praticante, incorporei liturgias, práticas devocionais, repertório e comportamentos. Criei um hábito, aquele que, segundo velho ditado cristão, não faria, sozinho, o bom monge. Despi-me e, com ele, foi-se o religioso. Era uma camada, a terceira, tão aleatória quanto as anteriores.
Meus títulos profissionais e acadêmicos? Bem, quase todos só valem no Brasil. Atravesso uma fronteira e só posso ser servente em uma construção… Logo, mesmo que envolvam esforços meus, tem algo de randômico. Nos EUA, em uma casa que alugamos, a mulher da limpeza era advogada mineira, com carteira da OAB. A camada jurídica não resistiu à alfândega. Bem o sabe o médico brasileiro com anos intensos de estudo que, nos EUA, pode ir para a prisão se prestar algum serviço. Seus títulos e esforços o qualificam para atender corpos com o mesmo passaporte e em território nacional. Camada sobre camadas: a quarta.
Poderia ampliar nossa múltipla cebola identitária. Talvez, como no bulbo citado, ao se retirarem as camadas, encontramos o nada. Sou feito de sobreposições, ainda que elas sejam fruto do acaso combinado com minhas respostas aos acidentes da vida. Uma curva tensa entre convenções e percepções do que seria o real.
Dizem que pouco antes de morrer, a 3 de outubro de 1226, Francisco de Assis estipulou: “Quando perceberdes que cheguei ao fim, do jeito que me vistes despido antes de ontem, assim me colocai no chão, e lá me deixai ficar mesmo depois de morto, pelo tempo que alguém levaria para caminhar uma milha, devagar”. O frade fundador queria estar no chão, despido de toda pompa, roupa e circunstância. Ao redor da pequena igreja da Porciúncula e da Capela do Trânsito onde ele faleceu, ergue-se hoje a majestosa basílica de Nossa Senhora dos Anjos. Uma imensa e luxuosa… camada arquitetônica que grita, alta e com luxo, a mensagem que o santo desejou evitar. As sobreposições são tão fortes que nos tomam mesmo após a morte.
E, afinal, minha querida leitora e meu caro leitor, qual seria, de verdade, seu “eu” mais íntimo e verdadeiro? Difícil separar rosto de máscara, substantivo de adjetivo, você de tantas outras personagens. Vamos piorar tudo: cada um é uma pessoa para sua família e outra para seu trabalho. Alguns cidadãos possuem uma personalidade específica para o trânsito, quase sempre a pior. E quando bebe? E quando está tranquilo na praia? Esse amplo concílio de “vocês” é, somado, o eu indivisível e profundo que você chamaria de “eu”? A internet facilitou mais camadas possíveis de recortes aleatórios de marketing pessoal. Apesar de sempre ter sido um desafio, “conhece a ti mesmo” do Templo de Apolo em Delfos virou uma jornada épica. A frase melhor de hoje: “Fora seu Instagram, você está bem?”.
Vejo o vídeo de uma senhora berrando em uma manifestação. Seu discurso é de ódio puro, catártico, furibundo e agressivo. Imagino-a chegando em casa, retirando a camiseta, tomando um banho e brincando com os netinhos ou com o gato enrolado aos seus pés. Volta a ser vovó, dona de receitas e de afagos, em tudo distante daquela pessoa que, há pouco, seria capaz de invadir a Polônia com seu panzer. Onde está a mentira? Na dona do bichano ou na manifestante? Duas antíteses ou mais um “estranho caso de Dr. Jekyll e Mr. Hide”?
O cachimbo deforma a boca; as camadas constroem identidades. Sou eu e minhas circunstâncias, como queria Filipe II e Ortega Y Gasset. Na circunstância atual, querida leitora e estimado leitor, você seria alguém com esperança?
É HISTORIADOR, ESCRITOR, MEMBRO DA ACADEMIA PAULISTA DE LETRAS, AUTOR DE ‘A CORAGEM DA ESPERANÇA’, ENTRE OUTROS
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